This week I gave advice to Meghan and Harry regarding the life changes they are making…
Poetic licence there as I didn’t actually speak to Meghan or Harry but I did speak to BBC Radio Berkshire regarding the situation and people making huge life changes such as the one the Prince and his family are undertaking. It seems that their decision to take a step back from public life as Royals in the UK and put their family, marriage and mental well-being first has caused quite a furore and split the Nation. With an avalanche of memes that are slightly amusing at best. Media coverage that is speculative and online forums and social media that is nothing short of racist, bullying and disrespectful.
So why was I asked to comment?
As a coach I get clients who want to make big life changes, a change of career, a step away from a toxic situation or something has to give scenario.
I spoke to Sarah Walker just before lunch time for a few minutes but they had been covering the story all day and the choices we make as adults.
Are we being selfish are we shirking our responsibility when we put our personal needs first? Should someone in their position make such changes and do they have the right to serve themselves rather than the public?
I was also asked if when making choices such as those made by Harry and Meghan.
Is it always the right thing to do? Making choices that serve you as an individual first and foremost even if you think there will be criticism, uproar and upset?
This is where the confusion lies.
We are told to serve ourselves, to be the best version of ourselves and to walk our own path. That way we can be a guiding light and show others how to be strong, resilient and authentic individuals.
We are also told to care for others, to nurture and be empathetic and support those around us especially if we have “responsibilities” such as children or other loved ones. Anyone not doing this and putting oneself first is selfish and shows signs of not caring.
Our basic instincts are ones of care and nurture. We will help and support others often above our own requirements. That is why we are instructed to put our own oxygen mask on first should there be an emergency on an airplane. The instructions are given because it is not a natural instinct to care for ourselves. However we are of no use to anyone if we are not breathing the oxygen we need for survival. How can it be selfish to breathe first?
So what does one do in such a situation do they take care of themselves, wear that oxygen mask and to hell with the rest or do they put the oxygen mask on their neighbour, and die a slow painful death starved of their life essence?
I help people to see that to be true to themselves they have to shine and wear their own oxygen mask with pride. They have to self-nurture and follow their own path. It doesn’t matter if that path is moving to another country, changing career, starting a business or simply embracing what they are doing as they love it and want to continue to do so. *Newsflash not everyone has to strive for something new *
Prior to going on air I was asked what three tips I would give to anyone making big life changes.
So here they are.
1, Do your homework
Make sure you know what you want.
Thinking of moving country or town to live.
Do you speak to lingo? Do you like the place? Will you enjoy working there is there a job for you?
How will you finance the move and your life once the move is in place? Those are the general sort of questions to ask of oneself. Also take a look a little bit deeper. What are your likes and dislikes are they fed and nurtured there or is there more of the dislikes? Do you like the climate or will it be too hot / cold extreme changes.
What hobbies do you have can you still carry them out in the new place?
How will you make new friends and socialise if this is important to you?
Are you taking people with you partner, family, kids? Where do they fit into the equation is it a shared dream and desire or are they following you? Resentment may come into play at a later date if you are not all clear on the reasons for the move.
Are your life changes moving you away from family and friends you hold dear or are you moving because relationships have become toxic? Be very clear if other parties involved for the reasons and be honest and open in your communication if appropriate.
2, Is it your Dream?
Or are you a chaser? Are you looking at those life changes that friends or peers have made and you are thinking if only I could do that. That thought escalates and before you know it you are announcing a huge quantum shift in your life and getting carried away. Does it really pull at your heart and soul are you really ready to make the sacrifices you are undertaking? This one is probably the biggest reason huge changes in lifestyles change. Because the person doing the changing was not really fully onboard. Make sure you are not chasing others dreams or shiny objects that once are in your possession will lose their attraction.
3, Play Big
Accept and Embrace your life changes. Once it has been decided and the wheels set in motion. Play big! Be involved in every detail put yourself there with all the excitement of Will Ferrell playing Elf. There is no room for self-doubt or feeding the inner voices of regret. If you are hearing those voices then refer back to point 2 and ask is it your shiny object you are chasing.
Finally, I was asked how do you know you are ready for change?
This was the last question I was asked but it should really come first. Because if you are at a crossroads in life or simply not feeling yourself there will be questions and these need answering before any rash decisions can be made.
You are ready for change…
When you start questioning where you are and what you are doing on a day to day basis.
When you have been part of or have witnessed a life impacting situation eg bereavement, separation, illness or redundancy.
When you question the everyday things that used to bring joy or were a habit you enjoyed.
When you feel that life is a chore and there ‘has to be more to life than this’
Thinking of moving to a different country? Stepping back from your current role, maybe simply wanting to mix things up but not sure how to start?
Find a sounding board A coach, impartial friend or colleague. There are lots of books, podcasts and workshops out there that can assist with the process.
Book a 90 minute Empowerment Call for just £99 find your dream and map out your plan of action for the life changes ahead.