Easter Sunday in the Lockdown House.
It is Easter Sunday but more of that later.
Yesterday Elaine tasted freedom.
Well when we say freedom Elaine took her antibacterial hand wash, wipes and ventured to the shops for her first visit since the lockdown occurred.
It was strange at first the roads didn’t look as empty as she would have expected but then she turned into the car park and was met by a half-empty car park on a Saturday afternoon at Easter.
Keeping a “social distance” Elaine pondered if she was aware of that term just a few short weeks ago. She decided she wasn’t. As a natural hugger and bum pitcher standing so far yet so close to her fellow humans she began to yearn for the times of hugs and laugher when no screen could divide.
The anticipation was palpable in the air as she sprayed the handle of the shopping trolly and gave her hands the once over with antibac. You may come inside madam. Elaine giggled as naturally, she turns every conversation into an innuendo and that one was a gift.
Aldi was calm but not social distancing as there was a queue for vegetables and of course ski boots. Elaine got extremely excited when perusing ‘the stuff you don’t need but I know you will desperately want’ aisle as she saw a pack of pegs for just £2.49 She knew she needed them and threw them into the trolley with gay abandon.
Elaine’s flabber was ghasted as she saw the excess chocolate treats and abundance of Easter eggs piled high on the shelves. Was this even Easter Saturday or had some mind-blowing lockdown trick been played to the whole nation? Why oh why was there so much chocolate and so little time.
Hastily she retrieved a sloth for each of her kids as they had indeed started to resemble said creature during the course of the last three or four or seventy-billion weeks.
She also noticed a rather classy looking two-tone egg of white and milk chocolate. Ideal for The Yorkshire Hollywood as he loved white chocolate and Elaine not liking white chocolate knew there was more chance of him actually consuming at least half of it.
Chocolate For Breakfast?
That night Elaine went to bed with great anticipation one of her favourite days of the year “chocolate for breakfast Mrs. Mitchell?”
“Oh I don’t mind if I do Mr. Mitchell”
Drifting off to sleep in sweet anticipation
Tween girl entered the bedroom at 8.11 and woke her man-boy brother up. He was not as excited for the Easter Bunny as previous years but just like his mum he jumped out of bed as it was Chocolate for breakfast day.
Then it started to go eggs up
Elaine handed Yorkshire Hollywood his egg and he said thank you. Didn’t think we were doing eggs this year due to lockdown and gave her a hug.
The kids read their note from the Easter Bunny that said if there is no R on the egg it is Man boys egg. Easy peasy the easter bunny had excelled himself this year. Apparently he roused himself after watching trash TV and falling asleep on the sofa.
Six eggs found each which included 3 Kinder surprises. Elaine is aware that the Easter Bunny is very busy. BUT surely he could have noticed on the kinder box that one was a trolls one and the other was a superhero one.
Nope! it appears the Easter bunny doesn’t pay attention to detail.
Eggs for breakfast anyone?
First kinder opened and the tween girl thought it strange that superman made an appearance but we laughed it off as a lucky dip.
Man boy got the cloud from Trolls, hmmm alarm bells started ringing in Elaine’s world. Surely he cannot have got the boxes mixed up before he split them up……
The alarm bells were full-on sirens now as man-boy jumped into the air and shouted YESSSSS I got a sloth.
In that hysterical moment man-boy became child-boy and started dancing around his sloth loving sister singing a made-up song about sloths.
Tween girl reverted back to toddler tantrums as she ceremoniously launched a mini batman across the room. “I don’t even like Batman”Cue hysterical laughter from child-boy.
To distract it was declared time for the grand opening of the box embellished with the beautiful words of Thorntons…
The box which had sat in the corner of the kitchen for 4 days.
Elaine grasped the scissors and opened the box there was lot’s packaging and six eggs all named.
Yessssss praise the lord one carried the name of Elaine.
This time the Easter bunny in the guise of Elaine’s sister had served well.
Elaine questioned her man-boy as to why he hadn’t purchased his mum an egg. He replied that he has paid his board that week. He passed Elaine the shell of a kinder egg as he declared two were quite enough for breakfast. Elaine questioned if he indeed was her son. But forgave him because well, chocolate for breakfast!
Man-boy deflecting the attention away asked Yorkshire Hollywood as to why he hadn’t got Mum an egg. ESPECIALLY as she had not consumed chocolate during lent…
Good question man boy Elaine declared, recalling that she had indeed managed to get flour for her man, both self-raising and plain at her shopping expedition the day before. She knew he was thinking there was no strong bread flour but Elaine knew that would not hold him back as he can indeed make something out of nothing.
Yorkshire Hollywood stated he didn’t think Elaine wanted any chocolate as she was doing so well without it and he was sure she had said she was going to continue not eating chocolate!!
34 years Yorkshire Hollywood has known her. He wooed her with Cornflake buns and vanilla slices. He knows her well! He knows she says things that do not happen.
I will be a size 12 by 30, 40, 50
I will take you to Dubai for your 40th (He is almost 55!)
I will run every day for a month…
The list is endless.
He knows her why oh why did he pick up on one throwaway comment that chocolate may never be consumed again.
Elaine begins to question if her husband of 31 years will actually survive lockdown and see their 32nd wedding anniversary.
Elaine wonders if Yorkshire Hollywood is prepared to redeem himself and make cornflake buns. That could mean cereals being consumed for breakfast tomorrow. There is no law stating those cornflakes shouldn’t be encased in chocolate.