We all Care right?
Care for the baby
Care for the housework
Care for the dog
Care for our partners
Care for the environment
Care for our extended families
Care about work
Care about our Business.
BUT where does your Self Care come from?
Ha Self Care You are having a laugh I’m a Mummy I get Mummy Guilt.
I am part of a group on Facebook. The group is for people aiming for goals business or personal. One post said she had two children and a young baby who thinks sleep is for the weak. Mum was feeling weak and understandably that all her time was taken up either with the kids, the family, work, cooking, cleaning and other essentials that mum’s do.
Her midwife had asked her what she did for me time. She scoffed but then asked the question what others did for me time she stated that the health visitor seemed to think it was important.
I was very sad to see that many of the replies were self-depreciating. Some even classed sleep as their me time! others said they didn’t have time for self care as they were too busy. Many and I know this for a fact do not think they deserve me time or to self care.
They have Mummy Guilt
That makes my teeth itch!
Drop the baby. Drop the labels, Take ownership, and Be Present.
I have said it lots but if you don’t water the damn plant. Who will take care of those you love and hold dear?
As a mum, I get it, I know what it is like. They are there ALL the time there is ALWAYS something to do. There is always some support to give and There is Always Always a cup of tea going cold.
Do you secretly enjoy the fact that in your role as a mum, you are the one that your kids come to?
You are the one that has to cut the crusts off the triangle sandwiches. It is triangle this week right? or maybe this week they want square.
You are the one that they shout for in the night – damn right you need that badge of honour.
You are the one that makes the brownies for the school bake sale.
You are the one that ensures everyone knows where they have to be and at what time every single day.
You are the one that monitors screen time and helps with homework.
Too right you are. You are their mum. Enjoy that role… Celebrate it… Be present in it.
You are also so much more.
Did you do a little snort and shake your head then?
What is that about. I’m a mum
You are also YOU.
Here is the thing.
You could lose YOU.
That means they could also lose you!
Yep that made you take a step back didn’t it?
It is all about self care and looking after number one.
Surprisingly number one is actually you mummy.
You are number one in your child’s eye.
You need to start or continue to self care and be yourself so you can then be the best mum. You can make a batch of brownies as and when required.
So make that time to have me time.
Here is the small print.
*it is essential that when a mother undertakes “me time” regardless of the description of aforementioned “me time” be it hanging out with friends, a date with partner, a swim, a hot coffee and a good book, an exercise class or painting a wall, any activity that is not suitable for the little humans to attend. It is essential that the mummy who partakes in said “me time” does so without guilt, with lots of enthusiasm and with ownership of the situation. It is the mothers responsibility to be present at that time wholeheartedly joining in the “me time” to replenish their stocks and fill up their cup of awesomeness. *
Failure to adhere to the small print can result in resentment, guilt and lack of acknowledgement for “me time”. Failure to have ownership and be present in the “me time” will result in the mummy thinking that she never has any time and is always a mum. Therefore it is essential to drop the guilt and the baby for the duration of the “me time” as the full benefits can be achieved.
Stress Reduction – The opportunity to speak to other grown ups – The chance to wear clothes that do not have tell tale parent signs on them such as baby sick on the shoulder. – The styling of hair not in a mum bun. – The opportunity to be referred to by your actual real name rather than “Katie’s mum” – The reveal of your authenticity.
It can be harder for some mum’s to drop the baby and the mummy guilt. There are many reasons for this and it is fine if you have feelings of guilt, overwhelm and stresses about not being mum 24/7. But it is so worth it when the real mum comes out to play.